God's Desire for Me, Kyung Ju Kim

I am Kyung Ju Kim. In high school, I felt the mutability of life, futility of life, and pessimism about my life. I experienced suffering many times. Then in 1981, the year after I graduated from high school, I received the Lord as my Savior and I experienced regeneration. After being regenerated as a child of God when I looked at the world, everything was fresh and I realized that everything was under the Lord's will and plan. When I thought about the Lord who died on the cross for me, who should have died in my sins, and who transferred me from Hades to the kingdom of the Heavens, an unlimited joy gushed out of the depth of my being.

But on the other hand, after regeneration a time came when I felt stuffy, especially when a hard environment came. Sometimes I murmured, “Why does the Lord gives me this environment? Why does He allow His children to suffering? I lived a couple of decades without knowing the purpose of my life.

Since I have been in the local church for three years now, I have read The Economy of God. That book opened my eyes to see the Bible in God's view. I now know the entire Bible is for God's economy, His plan. I also know the definite purpose why I live as a sojourner on this earth and I know what God ultimately wants and what God plans. The very reason that I live as a Christian is for His Body--more specifically as a member of His Body by being filled with Him, my entire being replaced with Him (Romans 12:5-6, 8:29; 2 Corinthians 3:18).

“It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20b). No longer is His Word abstract and vague to me. I pray He may possess me as my master. This life is the very life that Paul lived and the very way that many of the Lord's servants have gone. As I am a being who cannot hate anyone and who received the love of God free, I just thank Him for everything and I speak this love of Christ to sinners.

In my spirit I love and thank Watchman Nee and Witness Lee who only pursued Christ purely and who became patterns of the Christian life.